like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
