Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
