My underwear smells like fireworks.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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