So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
