I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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