Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
