Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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