Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I touched a dick in church today
The adults are the big ones right?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
