Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize