You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
