how hairy? two words: wookie tits
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
