Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize