he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
