i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
