You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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