there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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