Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
