walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
