She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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