she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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