I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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