what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
