so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
