It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
