You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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