Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
