dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
