I wanna passion pit in your ass
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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