I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
