Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
