Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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