if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
