im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
