You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize