My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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