I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
