Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
