this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
