i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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