and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
