god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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