Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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