I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
