I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
