I wish you could order shots online.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
