mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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