I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
