No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
