I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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