The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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