so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The uberlube is also flammable
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize