Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
