I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
