At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
