I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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