Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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