fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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