If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
