Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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