definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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