But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
