Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
