last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
