he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
