It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
