obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
