I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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