Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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