My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize