my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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