Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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