watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
