I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
