Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
