just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
